If not properly addressed, marital issues can lead to divorce. Problems within a marriage can stem from numerous sources. Ademola, a young divorced woman, has chosen to share her marital journey and divorce story with us. I hope her story offers valuable insights for you as well.
Could you please share your name and background with us?
My name is Ademola. I was born in the early 1990s on the outskirts of Lagos and was also raised there. My family is deeply religious, and I am the fourth child in a family of six. Both of my parents were civil servants, and life wasn’t particularly smooth, as we engaged in hawking after school to supplement the family’s limited income. One thing my parents ensured was that we all received a formal education up to the university level.
Could you share more about your educational background and professional journey?
Despite our struggles and limited time for our studies, I can proudly say that my siblings and I were intellectually gifted and held admirable positions in our various classes. This greatly impressed our teachers, parents, and all who knew us. After completing my primary education, I enrolled in a government secondary school, where I later passed my SSCE with flying colors. My passion for administrative courses led me to choose Accounting in higher education. I was admitted to my dream course at Lagos State University as an Accounting student. My strong determination to graduate with outstanding results enabled me to achieve first-class honors and become the overall best graduating student in my department that year. After completing my NYSC, I applied for jobs and secured a position with a bank in Lagos State.
How did you come to meet your former husband?
When I was employed as a staff member at the bank, I was assigned to one of their bustling branches on Lagos Mainland. One fateful morning, while attending to customers, I encountered a gentleman with a special request. Having just returned from the United States, he wished to exchange some dollars for naira. Due to the substantial amount involved, there was a delay caused by the necessary official documentation. Noticing his confusion and disappointment, I resolved to assist him. I approached him, gathered the required information, and then contacted my manager, who expedited the process, allowing him to complete his transactions promptly. Grateful for my assistance, he requested my phone number, which I provided to him afterward.
Is that how your relationship began?
Indeed, it all began there. Upon returning home, I received a call from him, and we engaged in a lengthy discussion. We shared our interests, experiences, and expectations for a relationship. It was a truly engaging and captivating conversation. He spoke fluently and with admirable eloquence. He expressed to me that, beyond my invaluable assistance to him, he admired my patience and dedication when attending to other customers. He informed me that he had returned for a building project and would spend approximately three weeks before departing again. Lest I forget, he was a native of Ondo State, and his name was Bolu. While he was in his home state, our communication persisted, and he even allowed me time to speak with his parents and siblings. They were delighted to hear my voice as well, and they shared how wonderfully their son had spoken of me, expressing their eagerness to meet me.
How did the proposal and marriage unfold?
After spending three weeks in Ondo State, he returned to Lagos, from where he will depart. He expressed his eagerness to see me. The following day, which was a Friday, he visited my branch, and we had a brief discussion. On Sunday, we ventured out together to a nearby fast food joint. It turned into a lengthy outing as we inundated each other with endless questions. He made it clear to me that he was eager to settle down as soon as possible. He inquired if I was available for marriage, and I dismissed the question with a smile. He later traveled back to the USA on Monday. We continued our conversation until he asked the question of marrying him again which I replied with a bold “yes.” Two months after the proposal, he returned to Nigeria, and we finalized the marriage arrangements.
How did issues begin to arise in your marriage?
Although we had a series of discussions, I neglected to ask him how soon he would begin filing my papers for me to join him there. When I eventually posed the question, he seemed uneasy and advised me to be patient. He subsequently returned to the States while I continued with my job here in Lagos. The only role he played in my life after the marriage was helping me secure a larger apartment. Two months later, I discovered I was pregnant, which I joyfully shared with him, and he expressed his happiness as well. Things started taking a u-turn when I requested that I come over to the States for delivery, a request he didn’t waste time to decline without any tangible reason. When I wasn’t satisfied with his response, I contacted some people that I know in the state who gave me some information on how to facilitate my Visa for delivery. I still made up my mind again to let him know but he sternly warn that if I succeed with the process, it would be the end of our marriage. I started the visa processing process thinking that he would change his mind when I arrive there, I was overwhelmed with great joy when my Visa was eventually approved. After getting the news, I still went ahead to inform him but he later blocked every means of our communication. I equally let his people know who also expressed their own disappointment and surprise on how he treated my coming over there. With the help of friends and relatives, I took a leave from my job and traveled to the States for delivery, I got accommodated by one of my friends and gave birth to my son over there without hearing from him for one day.
Who initiated the divorce proceedings?
After the maltreatment I got from him during my delivery in the States because I came back to Nigeria three months later, I made up my mind that the marriage is not going to work. I contacted those close to him and expressed my desire for us to go our separate ways. I served him divorce papers through his lawyer, after three years of separation, our marriage was finally dissolved.
What I discovered afterward
A close friend of his later informed me that Bolu with another black lady over there though not officially married, but they have one child together. Also, the lady was more wealthy and influential than him which was among the reasons he declined the request of my visiting the states for delivery.
What were your regrets after the divorce?
My sole regret is not having conducted a thorough investigation about him, thereby wasting years on the wrong person. My greatest joy is having my son here with me, whom I will nurture and care for to the best of my ability.
Have you received any assistance from your ex-husband thus far?
He provides certain specified assistance annually, as agreed upon through his lawyer.
How did you find the strength to move forward?
I was undoubtedly heartbroken, yet I vowed that I would not remain so forever. I was fortunate to be surrounded by supportive friends and relatives who lifted my spirits whenever they saw me downcast. My job also played a significant role, as meeting people and engaging in conversation often helped me forget what I was going through. In essence, I chose to focus on my blessings, the gifts God bestowed upon my life, and my son, rather than my failed marriage.
Note: “This is for educational purpose and names have been changed for confidentiality.”
